This is ME

Who am I? How do people see me? What do I think of myself? Questioning who I really am is something I really haven’t done. Being eighteen years old I would think I’d know the answer to those questions but I don’t! So how do you answer a question who are you? Knowing you already knows who you are but do you really? In hearing and seeing people talk about me I guess I’m pretty amazing but what’s underneath it all is a whole different me. A me that is hurt. A me that doesn’t have a smile all the time and a me who wants to be different!

I am a person who wants to be me, a person who wants to live life. I get so caught up with putting people before me that I never help myself. I let them get the best of me when sometimes they’re really not worth it. There was this girl, her name was Elena. She enrolled in the same high school that I was attending and being the person that I am I befriended her quickly not knowing what was ahead of me. At first, everything was great. We always had lunch together, my friends became her friends, she became a cheerleader just like me, and everything we did was together. Overtime, she became my best friend sooner or later I would find out her problems of being very possessive. Homecoming was right around the corner. My cheer coach had wanted me to run for queen but instead I told her Elena was running and friends don’t run against friends. She gave me this look of disappointment and told me to go home and tell my mom what I had told her. Later, my mom gave me the same look. Finding out who was running, it turned out that two of my greatest friends were running so I had decided not to vote but I didn’t tell anyone. Elena found out and this turned into one of our biggest fights. The entire school knew. Later in the week my coach pulled me out of class to talk to me. She said Veronica I’m very disappointed in you, you being the person that you are, she’s walking all over you. She’s only been here two years and she’s running for queen? She shouldn’t be running at all, you should! Turned out my mom told me the same thing. After that I still didn’t understand till the entire school was telling me that she doesn’t deserve to be my friend. I figured out that in the end it was all true but today we’re still friends just not as close. So I’m still asking the question who am I?

People see me very generous, very caring, very happy, and very loving. I truly am a happy person but they ask me how you are so happy with only a mother. Most of them ask me what happened to him, my father and I answer they’re questions because it doesn’t bother me anymore. My mom taught me that she is my mother and father; don’t feel that you’re missing something or that you’re left out because of him, I am him. So when people see me I always have a smile on my face and they admire that because they say that they still would be angry and they wouldn’t want to talk about it but I tell them it’s life and you can’t be angry at the world or at God for that matter when your dad did it and he’s not coming back. You learn to accept it and move on. My friends say I care too much, but the thing is some people don’t care enough so someone has to do it. Now being a college student I’m still the same person but I’ve visited my high school friends and they say something is different about me, like I carry a different kind of confidence. I tell them I’m still the same person but with a few minor adjustments. I don’t let people walk all over me. If you get me mad I will tell you something instead of keeping it to myself. They tell me going to that school was the best for me because you’re independent and you starting to think and doing things for yourself. I told them I’m going do everything I said I’ll do making my dreams come true and I can’t let anyone get in the way of that.

I see myself now and I’ve overcome so many things and it took so much of me just to find out it’s all about me. I see myself making my dream come true of being a doctor, I see myself with a family and kids. It’s going to get harder as my education gets closer to my dream. I’m pretty sure I’m a good person and no one could ever understand but me. I try to be me and some you can count on because I’ve been through so much. I can be there for you if you get to know the real me.

In writing this I’ve figured out some things about the real me. I’m still looking for words or for something to say about me and really know me! I still have to look inside me because I know that I’m a girl that doesn’t need a father. I’m a girl that doesn’t need possessive friends. I’m a girl who doesn’t need to be different to fit in. I’m a girl that only needs me and the few friends that will stay to really value me! Those are some of the things I’ve figured out but I’m still searching for the rest of me!

Beauty

How is beauty portrayedin the media? Is hair and having style all about beauty? What does beauty mean to you? The author in "Plaits" Mee Street Chronicles by Frankie Lennon is discussing images of beauty and obsession with hair in young girl's minds. The images os young girls back then has not yet changed from what is expected from young girls today. Today young girls must be a certain skin color like white or a perfect tan color, a certain hair type like silky blonde or brown, a certain body figure like tall and skinny, etc....the list can go on and on but what most want to know is what really is the true meaning of beauty. Most will compare themselves with celebrity's but is they're beauty really beauty? Are they really flawless?

Being beautiful today in society and in the masss media is being all bones and skin. You have to be a size zero in every piece of clothing you wear. Our society wants these young girls to look perfect and flawless when in actuality no one is flawless. To the media everything must look perfect, so perfect that one piece of hair cannot be out of place. Is that really what we want our young girls to look like?

Beauty is personality, beauty is honesty, but beauty can be a number of things. It's not just about how you look on the outside but how you feel on te outside. Your beauty is how confident you are in you own skin. You don't have to be a size zero in everything you wear just feel comfortable. Wishing that the young girls of todays world weren't so caught up in the media and not be so concerned about how they look but be interested in school and what life has to offer!

Different English's

Do you use different English’s? Why do you choose to speak differently with others? What makes you want to change the way you speak to your friends than to a teacher or professor? Speaking differently to others isn’t wrong but everyone must ask the question why? Some places you need to speak a certain way to be accepted into that part of society.

Personally using different English’s is great. It’s definitely not wrong. Being accepted in society is an important thing. Important for getting a job. Important for getting around in life. Important for millions of reasons but again why?

Speaking to your friends in person is totally different from speaking to a professor or to your boss even. Now day’s young children are speaking the way they write a text message. Using text message you can condense 3 words into 3 letters. For example “I don’t know” is said and written as “IDK.” But when speaking to an adult older than you they would have no idea what that meant. Answering the question why we use different English’s has infinite answers but the different ways kids speak has evolved greatly.

Most of us young adults or at least me change the way we speak to friends and teachers for the simple fact that we want to fit in. If we speak to our friends in proper English it’s totally fine with them but they might feel offended maybe because they think you want to “show they up” or try and look better than them, but again there can a million reason.
Now speaking to a teacher or a total stranger who knows what they’re talking about? You just don’t want to sound stupid! I remember speaking to the first professor I saw on campus and we were having a great conversation except for the fact that he kept correcting me when I didn’t use or say a sentence correctly. Every time he corrected me I felt my face turn redder as we went on. After, I was ready to leave he said he was sorry for embarrassing me by correcting my English but he wanted me to get better. I felt so stupid after I left! I made a promise to myself that I needed to separate the way I spoke to friends and the way I spoke to others.

Still learning different English’s makes me wonder that there really is only one correct English. Still learning how to separate the improper, the slang, and the proper is a challenge but to be successful in this world you need to be able to separate them. The question still wonders in my head, why different English’s? As I continue to learn, that’s when I’ll be closer to the answer or at least my interpretation of it.

Lesson Learned

What do you think a father is? Can a mother also be father or vise versa? How does this affect you as a person? Learning about life lessons happen everyday. When you think about a father and a daughter, you see daddy’s little girl running to him for comfort or support. That doesn’t happen for everyone or at least not for me. Learning that a father is not just a male figure has been painful and pleasurable because my mom is both my father and mother.

A father is someone you can run to for support or someone you can sweet talk. A father is someone who can help you with your homework and make everything feel better. A father is supposed to be the man of the house. A father is overprotective when you bring a boy over for the first time. A father is always there for his family no matter what. A father isn’t just a male. My father was never there for my brother and me.

A mother can be a father too. My mom is my father and mother. Unfortunately, my father was never any of the things described earlier. My mom was the only thing my twin brother and I had. Seeing my father for the first time, when I was 16 was the most painful lessons learned. Not only did he not acknowledge my mom and I but didn’t just walked by as if he didn’t know who we were. Sometimes one parent is a lot better than two. If I could go back in time and change time so my mom and dad would still be together I wouldn’t. Things are perfect the way they are and my mother will be a more of a father to me than he ever would’ve been.

Growing up without a father is harder than it seems. You’re a little girl and the only one you can run to is mommy who is your daddy too. Attending school probably was the hardest thing to do because everyone asks you “who are your parents?” I always had to say “I only have my mom.” As I grow and keep learning about these lessons in life I remember that not everyone is as fortunate as I am to at least have one parent.

Biography!!!

My name is Veronica Avila and i am a dancer. I've been dancing for many years. Dancing has always been a passion for me. The schools i've attended never had just a dance team so i was forced to join cheerleading because i am really good at it. Being the captain in high school was very fun. I choreographed all the routines!

My mom is my personal cheerleader in my life. She encouraged me to dance and cheer. Not being taught how to dance or going to school to be a dancer is hard to put on paper. When you apply for an audition, then show up for the audition the first question is "where did you learn?" That is my least favorite thing about being a dancer. Being able to dance encourages me to help others with my skill.

The most favorite thing of mine is volunteering. I would love to teach others how to dance. So many people want to learn and just the satisfaction of knowing that i can do that is the greatest feeling in the world.

I Hate it when.....

I hate it when people “beat around the bush!” When someone beats around the bush they’re trying to tell you but they just keep going around it. They just want to keep going in circles repeating themselves over and over till you just don’t want to hear it anymore. Either they really want to tell you something good or bad but, if it’s bad they take forever to tell you one small problem. Now, if it’s good then they’re just taking forever to tell you because they don’t want to miss any important detail. For example: a guy that you really like. Your friend hears him talking about you to his friend. Usually she or he will start oh my God so you remember when…. and so on and so fourth.

Personally I think its funny when one of my friends wants to tell me something good that happened and they can’t seem to get it out. On the other hand there’s always the bad situation, you’re ready to cry or ready to fight someone because you don’t really know how to react. As you facial expression begins to change as your friend starts to get closer to final news he or she starts going back out and begins to “beat around the bush” because they’re mostly scared of how you’ll react.

Theirs always that one friend that has all this free time but yet when your free and want to hang out with them they seem to “beat around the bush” for any excuse to get them out of hanging out with you. The most famous one to me is “my mom won’t let me go” but they’re grown and claim that they’re parents don’t control them because they’re adults. In the long run though friends come and go but the real friends stay forever, so the friends that “beat around the bush” for a bad reason aren’t worth keeping because they won’t be there for you like the ones that don’t.

Holidays!!!

What do the holidays mean to you? Why is it so important to most people? What are two things that disappointed you during the holidays? Normally when you think of the holidays you think spending time with your family, a vacation from school or work, and a reason to eat or get presents when it’s not your birthday. Not my family! Two things that disappointed me during the holidays was that I didn’t get to spend enough time with my family, and that the holidays really don’t mean the same things they did when I was younger.

Spending time with my family has always been of importance to me. I think the holidays are just extra hours to spend time and enjoy it. My family isn’t too big on the meaning of the holidays let alone the meaning of anything. Maybe a two or three hours is enough time to spend with them because that’s usually all the time we spend. It’s usually not enough for me, my family doesn’t like to go out like I do or sit and chat they just like to sit down watch a movie and when it’s done that means it’s time for you to leave. But during my 18 years of living, spending a lot of time with my family has yet to happen. The only “quality time” we spend together is when it’s someone’s birthday or it’s a really big holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving. It makes me angry when that’s the only convenient time for them. I’ve lived in this “new” house for about 5 years but to them it’s still very “new” because the rest of my family has only been there twice. Every holiday or birthday we must go over to my family’s because it’s impossible for them to come to my house so they say.

Being apart of my family is a great thing, being apart of any family is even better but there are just some things I don’t agree with. My immediate family is so different from my grandmother, my aunts, and cousins. They love to just stay home and not do anything. They love to be in a cluttered space. They love being bored in front of the television, but my mom, my twin brother, my stepfather and I love the outdoors. We love to take trips and explore. Sometimes we just like to spend it with each other and sometimes we would really love to be alone, but for the most part we want to be together. My grandmother, my aunts, and my cousins just like to stay home and I guess it’s just something I need to adjust too for the rest of my life because it doesn’t look like they’ll be changing anytime soon if I’m already 18 years old.

Personally I love the holidays. Even though I don’t get to spend the time I want with my family I try to make the most of it. My family is weird in its own way but I love them for who they are even though they make me angry. I try to explain to them that opening gifts isn’t just all of Christmas or eating turkey isn’t all of Thanksgiving.